Growing up, I experienced a lot of arguing, fighting and disciplinary abuse. Needless to say, the enemy had set the stage for a pattern of low self esteem and deeply rooted feelings of unworthiness. I accepted Jesus as my Savior when I was sixteen but didn’t learn who I was in Christ until many years later.
I married at the age of 21 and by the time I was 27, I had three beautiful children. My husband had no idea of my emotional state. The low self esteem embedded in me for years only grew worse. Every day my thought pattern was the same. It would replay continually in my mind, because I had no understanding of how to resist the devil with God’s Word. The relentless and tormenting thoughts were something like this: You’re stupid. You’re ugly. I hate your guts. I wish you were dead. Your children would be better off with another mother. Your husband would be better off with a different wife. Thoughts of suicide would plague me daily. I would rehearse past sins over and over in my mind. In my eyes, I could do nothing right. When I looked in a mirror, the devil would scream such horrible things in my ear. And sadly, I believed everything he said.
One day, when our youngest son was almost a year old, I remember feeling like I was on the brink of a mental and emotional breakdown. My husband came in for lunch and I abruptly walked out the door and back to our woods. I sat down on a log and desperately cried out, “God, I don’t even know if you’re real, but if You are, I need help.” After some time had passed, I walked back home. I am so thankful for that day when I turned to our Creator.
Renewing my mind didn’t happen overnight but slowly, as the Holy Spirit began showing me scriptures of who I was in Christ, thought patterns about myself began to change. As I read His Word, I started to see myself as my Heavenly Father saw me, and the lies of the enemy began to fade.
The first scripture He gave me was 2 Timothy. 1:7, “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” I discovered that I wasn’t stupid, I had a sound mind, and that I didn’t have to walk in fear of man. I had power over those stupid thoughts and learned to take authority over them with the name of Jesus.
The foundation for my business His Sand, is Psalm 139:17&18. “How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God? How great is the sum of them? If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee.” The Holy Spirit spoke to me and said, “Scoop up a handful of sand and count the grains.” I thought, “Why, there are thousands.” Then I heard Him say, “I have a good thought about you for every grain of sand that is on the face of the earth.” That started my journey to freedom, and I began to say what God’s Word said about me instead of what the enemy had told me. I would look in a mirror, with tears streaming down my cheeks, and thank God for making me special, a new creation, and in the image of Him.
Since August of 1980, I have shared my testimony of the sand with many others, who struggle daily, with tormenting thoughts. I encourage them to scoop up a cup of sand and set it on their night stand. When the enemy wakes them up and starts accusing them of their past, they need to point to that cup of sand and tell the devil, “My Heavenly Father has a GOOD thought about me for every grain of sand on the face of the earth.” Then roll over and go back to sleep in Jesus name.
How many times have you heard, “Use what’s in your hand.” What was in my hand? A handful of sand… which was my testimony. In October of 2004, God led me to put my testimony in a marketable form, thus the tract, “A Message In Sand.” (You can read the tract on my home page.) He also gave me the name for the business, “His Sand.” I love helping people and telling them about a loving Jesus. God has also put a testimony in your hand. Ask Him to put people in your path that need to hear what He has done for you.
My husband of 32 years went home to be with Jesus in December of 2006. I told God,” I would like to marry again and would like to marry a minister”. In the summer of 2010, I married a wonderful man who loved God with everything that was in him. And yes, he was a minister of the gospel. We were married for 10 beautiful years. Charlie went home to be with Jesus on Sept. 25, of 2020.
The enemy has thrown me a few curves, but I will not give up the dream that God gave me. My prayer is that He will use this business to bring Him honor and glory.
Carol Is a member of Only Believe Ministries Christian Center in Botkins, Ohio. She has been under the anointed preaching of Pastors Peter and Phyllis Doseck since Sept. of 1983.
May God bless you,