Growing up, I experienced a lot of arguing, fighting and discipline abuse. Needless to say the stage was being set for low self esteem and low self worth.
I accepted Jesus a as my savior when I was sixteen but did not learn who I was in Christ until many years later.
I married at 21 and by the time I was 27, I had three beautiful children. My husband had know idea of my emotional state. The low self esteem I had had for years only grew worse. Everyday my thought pattern was the same. It would replay over and over in my mind because I didn’t know how to resist the devil with the Word. My daily thoughts were something like this: You’re stupid. Your ugly. I hate your guts. I wish you were dead. Your children would be better off with another mother. Your husband would be better off with someone else. Thoughts of suicide would plague me daily. My past sin would replay over and over in my mind. I couldn’t’ do anything right. When I looked in a mirror the devil would scream such horrible things in my ear. And the sad thing was I believed them.
One day when our youngest son was almost one years old, I remember coming so close to a nervous breakdown. My husband came in for lunch and I simply said, “ I’ve had it.” I walked out the door and back to our woods and sat down on a log and said, “God, I don’t even know if you’re real, but if You are, I need help.” After some time had passed, I walked home. I am so thankful I turned to our Creator.
Things didn’t change over night, but slowly, as the Holy Spirit began showing me scriptures and who I was in Christ, the way I thought about myself began to change. As I read His Word, I started to see myself through my Heavenly Father’s eyes, not through my earthly eyes of experience. The first scripture He gave me was 2 Tim. 1:7, “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” I found out that I wasn’t stupid, I had a sound mind, and that I didn’t have to walk in fear of man. I had power over those stupid thoughts by taking authority over them in Jesus name.
One of the scriptures He showed me, which is the foundation for His Sand, is Psalms 139:17&18. It says, “How precious also are thy thought unto me, O God? how great is the sum of them? If I should count them , they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee.” The Holy Spirit spoke to me and said, “Scoop up a handful of sand and count the grains.” I thought, “Why, there are thousands.” Then I heard Him say, “I have a good thought about you for every grain of sand that is on the face of the earth.” That started me on my journey to freedom. I began to say what God’s Word said about me instead of what the enemy had told me. I would look in a mirror with tears staining my face and thank God for making me special, a new creation and that I was made in His image. Since August 1980 I have shared my testimony of the sand with so many who also have been struggling with tormenting thoughts.
I encouraged them to scoop up a cup of sand and set it on their night stand and when the enemy wakes them up and starts to accuse them of their past, point to that cup of sand and remind the devil that Father God has a good thought about them for every grain of sand that is on the face of the earth. Then roll over and go back to sleep in Jesus name.
How many times have you heard, “use what’s in your hand.” What was in my hand? A handful of sand- my testimony. In October of 2004, God gave me the idea to put my testimony in a marketable form thus the tract, “A Message In Sand.” He also gave me the name for the business, “His Sand.” I love helping people and telling them about a loving Jesus. It’s all about touching hurting people for His Glory. So I encourage you to use what’s in your hand. Your testimony because it is powerful.
In December of 2006 my husband of 32 years went home to be with Jesus. I knew that God had given me this business to take to the hurting and I refused to give up my dream. So I told God, I would like to marry again and could you make him a minister of the gospel. I also said, “My best is yet to come.” Well my God has done more than I could ask or think. He brought me a wonderful man named Charlie Doseck, who loves God with everything that is in him. And yes he is an evangelist. We were married July 25, 2010 and our best is yet to come.
Charlie and Carol are members of Only Believe Ministries, in Botkins, Ohio. They have sat under Pastor’s Peter and Phyllis Doseck’s anointed preaching for many years and believe they are called to take the gospel to the hurting and the lost.
We are ready and willing to go where ever He sends us. To God be all the Glory!
May God Bless,
Carol & Charlie Doseck